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November 14, 2012
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Angels cry,
when humans die,
no man escapes his fate.
Yet still they shed,
tears for the dead,
for not all make it through golden gate.
DO NOT - Use my works without my permission.

DO - Feel free to ask for my permission.
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:iconfisherella:
Fisherella Nov 14, 2012  Professional General Artist
I think it would read better with "the" in place of "golden". That extra syllable at the end throws it off. In this case, even if you said "the gate" I think it is implied and understood which gate is meant.

This sounds like an old-fashioned limerick, which I like about it. =0)
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:iconsupernovacasanova:
SupernovaCasanova Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks i did originaly have it a just the gate but i changed it >.< guess in terms of syllables i made a mistake (i'm only a hobbyist please forgive me! :P i know very little about poetry structuring)

anyways thanks for taking time to feed back and im glad you like it regardless of the error :)
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:iconfisherella:
Fisherella Nov 14, 2012  Professional General Artist
Cool. I try to be helpful and constructive when I can. =0)
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:iconsupernovacasanova:
SupernovaCasanova Nov 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
It's apprechiated so thank you :D
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